I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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