I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
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