the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
