..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
