drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
