Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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