why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
