If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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