Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
you had me at cake vodka
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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