Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Im part way to drunk.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
