She's JV to your varsity
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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