I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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