he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
