so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
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He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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