I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
