This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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