I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
