It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
