elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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