Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
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Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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