the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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