What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
