you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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