I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize
