can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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