is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
