his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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