i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
