I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
