I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
