you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
