be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
