everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
