I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
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