Porn is love you can see.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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