I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
