I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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