he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
