that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
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