If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I have fence marks all over my body
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
how drunk are you?
Several
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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