i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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