have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
