Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
