We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
