They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
