Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
