I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i've created a new STD.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
