Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Someone came in the potted fern
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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