Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
