You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
