Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
