So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
