It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
