I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
