I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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