Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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