all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
