i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
