i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
