Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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