Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
