i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
