glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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