hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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