and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
