just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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