I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Randomize