I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
