wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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