I cannot find my penis.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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