I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
