Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
