Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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