thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
