I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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