you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Someone signed my nipple.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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