Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
